Clothing crimes: Brushing up on your basics (aka, don’t let me catch you doing these things)

Hey gents,

For some reason, I’m still seeing these clothing crimes committed every day on the streets. That either means not everyone is reading EG, or… yeah that’s probably it. Maybe I should start handing out business cards to these criminals with my URL on it.

In the meantime, make sure you’re not committing these same mistakes. Just knowing these are mistakes should be second nature by now! But just in case, here’s a little refresher.

Tying your sweater around your waist

I understand. The sun came out, you started to overheat. But unless you’re a 12-year-old on your first field trip to the aquarium, stop tying your sweater around your waist. It’s a bad look. Probably the worst look ever.

Try this: fold it in half length wise, fold down the sleeves, and hold the damn thing. Like a man. Boom! Done.

Besides, if you’ve been following along and applying what you’ve learned here at EG to your everyday life, you’re probably buying better quality sweaters. You don’t want to stretch the arms out by tying them around your waist.

Defaulting to black everything

You’re most likely not an imposing, yet soft spoken super celebrity like Jay, so lay off the “all black everything”.

Black signals a level of formality that most of us aren’t a part of, day in and day out, so there’s no need to make that your primary color.

Also, there’s more to life than black shirt, black sweatshirt. Experiment with color! Take a cue from the ladies and dress more like they do.

Tags on your new suit / coat sleeves, thread holding together your vents

Seriously? We’ve been over this. Remove them!

While we’re at it, remove the price tags from the soles of your shoes before you walk out of TJ Maxx, and remove the window sticker from your new ride. We know your Bentley costs more than a Midwest mansion, you don’t have to remind us.

Moreover, why are you shopping at TJ Maxx if you’re driving a Bentley?

Wait, what.

White socks with leather dress shoes

Is this still happening? If so, why?

White athletic socks have no place in a leather dress shoe. Buy appropriate socks.

Collars over your sweater

I wore my collars over my sweaters… when I was in 2nd grade. Let’s always keep our collars IN our sweaters. This is one thing you might have to check every once in a while, to make sure it’s not slipping into your sweater. Doesn’t happen very often—at least not in my experience—but just in case.

Black, square-toe, rubber-soled shoes with stonewash denim

This is a two-fer right here. First off, you should never be wearing shoes like these, or these. Second, stop pairing it with stonewash denim. In fact, stop wearing stonewash denim. You should already own the one pair you need. Wear that.

Untucked dress shirts

Dress shirts and sport shirts are different. They may seem the same, but they aren’t.

Dress shirts are typically longer in the torso, because they’re meant to be tucked in. Always tuck these in. If you want to wear a button-up untucked, buy the appropriate shirt for it (think oxford cloth button downs, casual plaid shirts, etc.)

Denim… shorts

Jorts are never an option. They’re just not. Don’t try to argue.

If its hot enough to wear shorts, try a good pair of chino ones in a muted or neutral color, or do the opposite and get a pair of go to hell chino shorts. Just don’t do denim.

Oversized suit jackets

I applaud you for trying to class up your daily look. You’re keeping it casual, with just a hint of formal by throwing on that blazer or suit jacket.

The problem is, it’s still the wrong size. If it’s big in the torso, nothing a tailor can’t fix. If it’s big in the shoulders, hopefully you kept the receipt, because you should probably return it.

Remember, fit is EVERYTHING. Just look at the above photo for proof.

You can buy a $6000 Tom Ford Suit, but if it’s the wrong size, you’ll still look terrible. Conversely, you can buy a $180 suit from H&M, spend $50-$100 on a tailor, and look like a million bucks.

The fit is more important than brand you choose. When you’re limited on funds, spend more on the former than the latter.

Did I miss anything?

I’m sure I did. But hey, if you’re smart enough to remind me in the comments, you’re smart enough to never make the same mistake… right?

Let’s hear some of the other clothing crimes you’ve witnessed. More importantly, do you commit any of these? *GASP*

If so, what will you do to change your ways?

 

 

 

[jay photo, white socks photo, evan photo]