Let’s face it, first dates or interactions with a girl you like don’t always go to plan. Maybe you just can’t find any common areas of interest to talk about. This can lead to awkward silences or the feeling that maybe she’s just not that into you. If this has happened to you, don’t worry — you’re not alone.
Everyone runs out of topics to talk about from time and time. To help you out we’ve put together a list of questions to ask a girl to get to know her better.
Why are these questions so much better than what you may have been asking? They’re thoughtful and go further than asking about her job or what she likes to do for fun. While there is nothing wrong with surface-level questions, they don’t tell you much about her personality or how she views the world.
Some Questions To Ask A Girl You Like
These questions will show her that you’re deeply interested in her as a person. But if you really want to use this list to your advantage, then you need to understand that asking questions is only one part of the equation.
You have to actually listen to what she’s saying, and internalize it. Actively listening is a quality girls (and people in general) find attractive. If you really want to get to know a girl better, listen to her answers and take an interest in what she’s saying.
Weave a few of these questions into your next conversation and we guarantee she’ll walk away impressed. You’ll also have a better idea of what she’s into and whether your world views align. Here we go:
What do you need most out of your relationships?
Don’t ask this question as the icebreaker on your first date, obviously.
However, if things are going well after a few hours / days / weeks and the conversation becomes more personal, it’s a great question to gauge what is most important to her.
What are you most passionate about?
Are you looking to find common ground with the girl you’re interested in?
Rather than asking if she likes snowboarding and hoping the answer is yes, ask her what she is passionate about. You’ll find out what lights her up.
What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever eaten?
This question is great because it’s fun, and the answer can lead to pretty wild conversations.
If she answers ‘pufferfish in Tokyo,’ you know immediately that’s she’s traveled and that she might be a little fearless when it comes to food.
Plus, don’t you want to know what pufferfish tastes like? And if she was scared to try it (since it’s potentially poisonous to humans if not prepared correctly)? So many more conversations can flourish from this one question.
If you could be known for one thing, what would it be?
This is an excellent question because it gives you an insight into her personality. Behind her answer, you may discover she wishes (or doesn’t want) to be loved, feared, accepted, etc.
Pay attention to her answer because it will give you an insight into how she hopes to be seen.
Her answer can also reveal her ambitions, what she’s working towards in life, and what’s most important to her.
Who are you most similar to in your family?
Let’s face it, asking how many siblings she has is a boring question. Instead, ask her who she is most similar to in her family.
That way, she can tell you about her siblings, her parents, or whoever she is close to while sharing more personal information about her home life and family.
Is what you are working in / studying what you want to do forever?
If you are a hyper-ambitious, independent entrepreneur type, and she is content with a 9-5 just climbing the corporate ladder, you may not be a good match, maybe. This question is also great because it will give you an insight into her plans.
If she’s planning on moving to NYC next year, and you’re staying put right where you are… you might need to reassess whether you have a future together or are better off as friends.
What are three items on your bucket list?
This is a fun question and should give you an idea of what she wants out of life. Is she an adrenaline junkie or do her questions all revolve around her career and ambition?
Do you want to travel?
Here’s the thing. People who like to travel often do better dating other people who also like to travel. It opens your horizons, teaches you empathy and problem-solving skills and makes you more worldly.
If the girl you’re with is interested in living abroad and you have no plans to get a passport, you may not be the right fit for one another in the long term. Sorry.
What’s your idea of a perfect day?
Whether she is into fancy restaurants, mountain biking or binge-watching Marvel movies, take note. You could surprise her by suggesting one of those things for your next date.
What makes you happy?
If your outlook on life is too different, it can be hard to sustain a meaningful relationship. Happiness goes beyond having hobbies or pastimes in common and is more about how the two of you view the world.
How would you describe your friend group?
If you like a girl, you’re probably going to spend a lot of time hanging out with her friends. Ask her what they’re like and how she fits into the dynamics of the group.
Do you have any hobbies?
While it’s not necessarily crucial that you have shared interests in common, asking about her hobbies gives her a chance to tell you more about her life.
What do you like to do when you’re alone?
Ask her for the honest truth, with a wink if you have to, just so she knows you’re asking light-heartedly. People can do weird, quirky things when they’re alone, including you.
Find yourself a girl who isn’t embarrassed to admit to her weird quirks (eventually, once she gets to know you and is comfortable with you).
What’s your biggest deal-breaker in a relationship?
This is a good question to ask early on because you’ll immediately have more insight into how she thinks and what’s important to her. More importantly, do you agree with her?
What’s on your desert island playlist?
What songs would she be playing over and over again if she were stranded on a deserted island with nothing but an mp3 player (and unlimited battery life)?
More importantly, will you be forever arguing over the playlist on your next road trip? However she answers, some gentle teasing is obviously appropriate here. Gentle being the operative word.
What do you like most about yourself?
Everyone likes to brag about themselves a little and this question lets her do it without feeling like she’s showing off.
What were you like as a kid?
The more things you learn about her, the closer you’ll feel to her. Also, many of our childhood traits can carry over into adulthood.
Questions like these are also great because it shows you are interested in all aspects of her life, where she came from, how she grew up, etc.
If we went to high school together, do you think we would have been friends/dated?
High school is weird for everyone. What’s important is being able to laugh about it afterward.
Start a conversation about whether you think you would have been a good match at high school to get the laughs going. Plus you’ll learn a bit about what she was into when she was younger, which can lead to many other conversations.
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
This question will tell you a lot about the way she sees her future. Maybe she’s a dreamer who wants to move to Paris. Or perhaps she loves living in your hometown whereas you can’t wait to leave. You’ll never know until you ask!
How do you think your closest friends would describe you?
This is a great question, since you’re not asking her to describe how she sees herself, but more about how she thinks she’s perceived. Maybe she’s the outgoing friend in her group but mellow when she’s on her own.
What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
It’s good to know how adventurous the girl you’re interested in is. It’ll give you an idea of whether she’s outgoing or more conservative and whether that matches with your own levels of adventure.
What’s your love language?
Keep this one in your pocket for the next time you hang out together.
It’s good to know whether the person you are interested in needs verbal or physical cues to feel loved, or if she’d prefer to spend time with you over being given gifts.
Never taken the 5 Love Languages test? Learn more about that here.
What’s your life plan for the next five years?
This sounds like a serious question, but if she’s got plans to move cities in the next six months it’s better to know early on.
Her answers may tell you what she’s focused on in life, where she’ll be, and where she’ll be focusing all of her attention.
What makes you laugh?
Write it down. You want to be the guy that sends her the funniest memes.
What characteristics do you look for in a friend/partner?
Pay attention to her answer. If you don’t have the qualities she’s looking for, don’t pretend as if you do. There’s also a chance she doesn’t have the characteristics you’re looking for.
Eventually, if you talk about this topic, you’ll discover what you both need as people, and if you have the potential to work out.
What makes you feel better when you feel down?
If you can figure this out early on, it’s a great way to make a relationship last. Some people love to be comforted, while others need space to decompress before they can feel better.
Next time she’s feeling sad, surprise her by being there in the ways she needs most.
Who do you look up to?
Asking her what type of person she looks up to should give you an idea of the type of person she hopes to be. If you like the qualities she admires, it should give you an idea of how compatible you both are.
What’s your most controversial hot take?
This question can go either way.
She could say something funny that you disagree with but aren’t bothered about (pineapple on pizza isn’t a relationship red flag), or you could have fundamentally different views on life.
How often do you see your friends?
It’s always good to know how busy the person you’re interested in is.
If she finds it hard to see her friends because her work and side hustle keep her busy, she may not have a lot of spare time for a boyfriend either.
Would you describe yourself as independent?
Everyone has different ideas of what independent means.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be part of a couple, or enjoying more space for yourself. What’s important is that you are both looking for the same thing… or at least are willing to make compromises when in a relationship (for the good of each other).
Which questions will you be asking?
These questions should help the conversation flow the next time you’re talking to a girl. Don’t focus too hard on trying to impress her.
Instead, listen to what she’s saying, ask follow-up questions and just relax. Remember, relationships aren’t one-sided. The point of asking these questions is to determine whether the both of you make a good match.