There is no Going Out shirt: How to dress like a real man after hours

I can just imagine the conversation that goes on among bros before hitting the clubs on a Saturday night.

“Hey bro, whatchoo gonna wear tonight?”

“Bro, what else? My Going Out shirt, yo! The ladies love it!”

“Aww snap, sweet yo. I just picked up a new Affliction tee at the mall, I’m totally rockin’ that tonight.“

“Dude bro, but what if the bouncer says you gotta wear a collared shirt?”

Ugh. This hypothetical conversation alone is the reason I hardly ever go out (to lounges and clubs). Being in the same room with broz wearing Going Out shirts and graphic tees drives me crazy and induces vomit, even with minimum Old Fashioned consumption.

Why there is no such thing as a “Going Out” Shirt

Image credit: left, middle, right (please, please don’t actually purchase any of these. The fact that the middle one is found on Zappos and is SOLD OUT disturbs me a bit. Okay, a lot. Hopefully by the time you read this, they take the link down… forever.)

Okay, maybe in your mind, there is a Going Out shirt, which roughly translates to a shirt with some crazy bold stripes, or a super dark colored shirt with ridiculous embellishment or embroidery (to match that stupid ass pair of artificially distressed boot-cut True Religion jeans), un-tucked (of course!) with the first three buttons undone. Extra points for the sunglasses, over-gelled hair, and square-toed “dress shoes”.

Here’s a little motion picture to more succinctly explain the G.O.S.:

(YouTube Link here)

Duuude. Give me a break. There is no such thing as a “Going Out” shirt, just like there aren’t any “Sitting In My Cubicle” shirts. It’s either acceptable shirts, or terrible shirts. Guess which category the above fits into.

If you see anything that remotely resembles the shirts in the photos or the video, please, just step away.

Why cant I wear these shirts?

You can, technically, but then we’ll all be pointing and snickering when you’re not looking (and when you turn back around, we’ll be doing the same thing, but in our heads).

The Going Out shirts you see above are tacky, contrived, and make you look like you don’t know how to dress (because you don’t). It’s like wearing Ed Hardy or those Affliction tees (which coincidently, some guys do) to the lounge or club… or anywhere in public, for that matter.

You’re putting yourself into the “D-bag” category when you wear this shirt to the club, and all the ladies are thinking, “Oh there’s the d-bag with his d-bag broz all wearing the same shirt.”

You’re not dressing up when you put this shirt on with your Sevens; it’s the opposite. You’re categorizing yourself as a guy who doesn’t know how to dress.

Look, if you’re this guy, don’t worry. I don’t hate you. No one does. But now that you know you’re committing a crime, how about you just stop?

Do yourself a favor: take those Going Out shirts, and drop them off at the nearest dumpster.

Okay fine, I’ll stop wearing my favorite Going Out shirt. What do I wear to the club then?

If you’re going to an establishment that requires you to look presentable (i.e. wear a collared shirt and dress shoes), then instead of donning the bare minimum, why not step your game up?

Here’s an example of one basic outfit that you can wear 200 consecutive weekends in a row, and you’ll always look good, never trendy, and best of all, this involves no Going Out shirts.

• Put down your faded ass denim and throw on a well-fitting pair of dark denim
• Put on a slim, white shirt (fine cotton, spread collar? even better), tuck it in
• Brown leather belt
• Brown leather lace-ups
• Navy single-breasted, vented blazer

BAM! That’s it.

Looking to add your own flair? Maybe you want to spice it up a little?

Try a subtle stripe or pattern with your shirt. Try different colors (hunter green, lavender). Wear a tie! Put a pocket square in your jacket’s breast pocket. Wear a great pair of socks. Find an awesome striped wool blazer. You get the point.

From Chicago Street Style

Oh look, here’s practically the same outfit I described above, plus some serious personality and style injected (and a bit of badassery, if I do say so myself).

There you have it, a solution to your nightlife woes, and a chance to ditch that terrible shirt you’ve been wearing this whole time.

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Thoughts? Objections? Are you pro-Going Out shirt and want to rip me a new one? (Ha)

Are you glad someone finally said something (though I’m sure I’m not the first one)? Other questions? Let’s hear them below.

Till next time!